Kiss Me, I'm Horny
by Saturn and Roentgen
Summary: It's summer time and the heat is getting to a certain half [doggy] demon's head...or some other unmentionable part of him...and his breath caressed her soft lips as he whispered, Kiss me, I'm horny. [IY x Kag]
1. Take Me Over

**Kiss Me, I'm Horny**

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Inuyasha, nor do we own any piece of Sesshomaru's hot body, as much as we'd like to though. We make no profits with our fangirly attempts at concocting stories and nor do we think you'd get any money out of us if you were to sue us. We're broke.

_Saturn's notes:_ Oh the sick sense of irony! What more can I say?

_Rheyne's notes:_ Yay! The first project from Saturn and myself. We hope you enjoy our sick sense of humor and the mmm mmm lemony goodness. Well no, there's no lemon, but blah, it's just sick, twisted humor. Blah ok I'll shut up.

**Chapter 1: Take Me Over**

"I've got you now, pretty boy." She whispered breathily in his ear as she pinned him against the ancient tree. He continued to struggle in vain to get free as she inched closer and closer until he could feel the rise and fall of her chest against his.

"Let go of me, you stupid wench!" He growled menacingly, eyes ablaze with rage, baring his fangs like a predator about to capture its prey (oh the irony of it all).

"No, no, not so fast." She purred seductively. "Can't you feel it?" One slender finger traced his jawbone, stopping to rest on his dry lips. "My fever's getting high." She breathed in hoarsely.

The heat from her skin radiated into his flesh and momentarily caused sensory overload. Conflagration of electric heat sent involuntary shudders through his nerves. And he was losing himself (If only he had a tail to wag…poor doggy…).

"Damn it!" He spat, recovering from the shallow haze her intoxicating perfume induced. "I said; get your filthy paws off of me!" And with a sudden push, she was off of him and back on the ground, landing gracefully on her feet.

"So you like it rough, do you?" She smirked, dangling the locket she had just pilfered from his neck. "Fine by me."

"You wench, give that back!" Recognizing the locket containing Kagome's picture (movie reference), he seethed with unfurled anger like a rabid dog (which he kind of is).

She seemed to be amused. Opening the locket, she saw a picture of a young girl. "So, is this your wench?" She said with a haughty laugh. "She's not half the woman I am." She fiddled with the locket carelessly.

"Shut up, you damn cat demon!" With a grunt he unsheathed Tetsusaiga and prepared to bestow upon the slick demon her final deliverance.

"Well, then, come and get it, if you will." She leaped across the distance to corner him once more.

Sensing an opportunity, he unleashed the full might of the Tetsusaiga on to the ground and blew back the cat demon off her course several feet and he followed up by knocking her to the ground.

She attempted to rise to her feet to no avail. The strike had immobilized her and left her defenseless. She lay there upon the ground taking shallow breaths, still clutching the locket in her tightly locked hand.

He advanced towards her resting form to retrieve his precious locket. He reached down to grab it, not wanting to waste anymore time than he had already. Unbeknownst to him, she wasn't so defenseless after all. Suddenly she grabbed his arm and pulled him onto her.

"You cannot escape me so easily, Inuyasha." She murmured into his ear as she forcefully held his head down next to her own.

Her warm breath tickled his neck and his eyes widened with surprise as he felt her moist tongue draw invisible circles on his sweltering skin. Ever so slowly, her demonic fangs sunk into his flesh. Sensation after sensation convulsed his entire being as raw heat spread through his body; the blood rushing to his head.

"Here, take it." She whispered huskily into his ear as she pressed the locket into his palm and pushed him off her. "Inuyasha!" She exclaimed as she rose to her feet regally. "Nothing but true love will separate us." Her form began to fade into the landscape. "Until next time, Farwell, my pet (mon petit)." And she was gone.

Breaking out of his reverie, he raised two fingers to his neck and traced the mark the cat demon had left. The memory of the occurrence was a bittersweet one.

'Well, now that was certainly interesting.' He contemplated. 'Now to get back…back…oh shit! I'm supposed to be waiting for Kagome to return.'

And upon that thought, his keen sense of smell picked up a very familiar scent nearby, specifically, right behind him.

"Damn." Fearing the worst, he tentatively turned back to face whatever horror his cruel fate had in store for him.

"What the hell was that all about, Inu-trasha?!"

_Rheyne's notes (again)_: Well, there it is. Hope you've enjoyed it. If you're unsure of what's going on, don't worry; all will soon be revealed! Please tell us what you thought of it. We definitely do love feedback. And we hope you'll come back for the next chapter.


	2. Need Some Sexual Healing, Baby

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Inuyasha, nor do we own any piece of Sesshomaru's hot body, as much as we'd like to though. We make no profits with our fangirly attempts at concocting stories and nor do we think you'd get any money out of us if you were to sue us. We were broke in the first chapter, and still we're broke.

**Note:** (…) signifies author's blah blah.

**Chapter 2: I Need Some Sexual Healing, Baby.**

"What the hell was that all about, Inu-trasha?!"

"K-Kagome!" Stuttered Inu-trasha, we mean, Inuyasha, at a loss for words. "Wait a minute! What do you mean 'what the hell was that all about Inu-trasha!'" Regaining his composure he spat. "Have you been hanging around Kouga? Your language seems to have gotten a wolfish make over!"

"That's none of your business!" She shouted back defensively.

"So, you have seen that mangy wolf boy." He sneered. "Feh, see if I care."

"I did not!" She exclaimed in her defense. "The last time I saw him you were there with me, you idiot!" She attempted to get a grasp upon the situation. "And don't change the subject. Exactly what was that that you were doing with that feline?!" She scoffed, hands curling into fists.

"Number one, I was not doing anything with her. And two, I don't need to answer to you!" He turned around with indifference.

"Oh, is that so? If you weren't doing anything then why were you on top of her and what was all that 'true love' talk about?!"

"Number three, she pulled me down on top of her, and number four, I don't have to answer to some woman, feh!"

"How many times have I told you?! I have a name! Ka-go-me, Kagome, learn it, use it. Sit boy!"

And she stomped off to Kaede's hut, leaving him in a cloud of dust, muttering incoherent profanities.

The same evening…

The warm summer air mingling with the busy chirping of the cicadas made it impossible for him to continue to sleep.

"Feh, damn bugs." He sat up, cursing the wretched insects for interrupting his precious (beauty) sleep under his breath. Suddenly he had an urgency to scratch his neck where the demon had left her mark.

"Stupid cat-wench. She probably gave me friggin cat-rabies or somethin when she bit me and licked me with her slimy, wet, luscious, succulent…what the fuck?!" He stood up in a rush. "Fuck…hmm…now there's an idea…" He thought, his face aglow with inspiration. "Wonder what Kagome's doing right now… (probably Kouga)" A hint of a smile graced the corner of his lips before suddenly transforming into a grimace. "What the hell am I thinking?!" He was lost in utter confusion and continued to scratch his neck fervently.

"Damn, I need to take a friggin walk and get a breath of fresh air in my lungs and get these dumb-ass ideas out of my mind. This summer heat is getting to my brain" He stomped out of the tiny hut not realizing to where he was headed.

The sun in the horizon began to set and the skies took on an orange hue. The heat seemed to increase by the second and the itch on his neck just got worse and worse. Unable to stand the heat any longer, Inuyasha took off his red fire-rat haori and slung it over his shoulder as he continued walking…and scratching (not his butt, his neck).

Suddenly he was in alarm as his senses perceived his environment, the hot spring, the bushes, and a splashing sound. Unbeknownst to him, he was pulling a Miroku (LOL "pulling"). The saner part of his mind told him to leave immediately or else he'd be beaten to a pulp by Sango or Kagome, whichever was in the spring. The itching on his neck escalated and something with in him urged him to stay, and join in with the bathing festivities.

"What the hell!" He cursed softly. "What's wrong with me?!" He mentally berated himself. "It must be the rabies from the stupid cat! And why the hell am I feeling so hot now?!" (Hot flashes? Menopause, Inuyasha?)

The sun finally faded and the velvety black sky was adorned in a sparkling array of stars. The itching had reached its height. The heat was unbearable. And with that, all coherent thoughts in Inuyasha's mind bade him adieu and he gave into his inner desires.

Swiftly and stealthily, he slipped behind the bushes, where he could fully view an unsuspecting Kagome relaxing with her eyes closed. He drank in her form with thirsty eyes, her porcelain skin smooth like satin, gleaming in the starlit night, her voluptuous curves, her raven hair cascading on her back. He disrobed himself and slowly crept behind the rock she was leaning on and with an un-Inuyasha-like manner, but something akin to a dog, grabbed her from the back and spun her around to face him.

He pulled her closer towards himself until their faces were mere tenths of a centimeter apart, their warm breaths intertwining in the night. Huskily he whispered on her lips.

"Kiss me, I'm horny…"

_Saturn and Rheyne's notes:_ Ok. There's chapter 2. If you're still confused, fear not, all will soon be revealed! No, no, we're not liars and our pants are not ablaze! Hope you've enjoyed and will be back for the next installment. We do love feedbacks, so please give us some. Thank you.


	3. Cat What! Curse Who!

**Kiss me, I'm Horny**

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Inuyasha, nor do we own any piece of Sesshomaru's hot body, as much as we'd like to though. We make no profits with our fangirly attempts at concocting stories and nor do we think you'd get any money out of us if you were to sue us. We're still broke after so many months.

_Authors' notes: _Italics are thoughts, just so you know. And there's very slight Kagime bashing. But it's all in good humor. We don't hate her or anything...well maybe one of us dislikes her...a little...Otherwise, enjoy!

**Chapter 3: Cat What! Curse Who! (I swear I'm not a bimbo!)**

He pulled her closer towards himself until their faces were mere centimeters apart, their warm breaths intertwining in the night. Huskily he whispered on her lips.

"Kiss me, I'm horny…"

Frozen in place, all she could do was berate her mind for playing tricks on her. Here she was, moments ago just thinking about what an irresponsible, traitorous, complete moron he was, how his stubbornness was so unbecoming, how his recklessness was so unflattering…how his silver hair shone in the moonlight, how his battle-trained physique glistening with beads of water made her want to...want to…and now her mind was creating illusions before her very eyes.

'_Oh! For shame Kagome, thinking of such frivolities when you should be concentrating on more important matters like that math test you have next week. And you definitely should not be imagining Inuyasha that way…'_

Unbeknownst to the not so innocent Kagome, the so called "illusion" was quite real, and he pulled her even closer to him (if that were at all possible).

"I-Inuyasha…"

"Yes. Kagome." He groaned throatily.

"Umm…are you f-feeling okay?" She stuttered.

"Never better. I mean, isn't this what you've always wanted Kagome?" He blew her a feathery kiss.

"Umm… ye- I mean no, no!" She flushed and began to inch away from him.

"Well, well, you say no but 'yes' came out first." He advanced towards her. "Come on, Kagome. Just admit it." He reached his hand to her cheek and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. "You want me."

"…Inuyasha…" she sighed into the night and let all thoughts of defense dissolve into the darkness as his arms engulfed her. She couldn't help but admit it…she had been dreaming of this for so long. She wanted to get away from it all and forget all her troubles and just give into sweet surrender in the half demon's arms; she wanted to run her fingers through his silky sliver locks, get lost in his amber pools, and taste those supple scrumptious lips…

And besides, it was just a dream anyway…right?

'_Oh my Kami, oh my Kami, I'm losing my mind!'_ She screamed in alarm in her mind as she felt his claws dig into her skin. And lose her mind she did as slowly and softly moist lips claimed her own and in her confusion, she responded fervently. He tasted like intoxication, and she felt herself melt, melt until there were only strong, calloused hands on her skin and addicting warmth, and a sense of finality that told her this indeed was no dream.

With the dawn of her realization she drew back sharply, breathing heavily. She quickly slapped his advancing hands away and grabbed her towel. Wrapping it loosely around her wet frame she dashed out of the spring and ran towards Kaede's hut.

Inuyasha's hands met cool air as he noticed the absence of his partner. Puzzled, he looked up to see her running steadily away from him. '_Oh, she wants to play hard to get, huh?'_ He smiled to himself. '_I can arrange that.'_ And he broke into a run after her.

Kagome stole a glance behind her to see Inuyasha gaining on her. And at a lack of what to do, she did the only thing her partially defunct mind could muster.

"Sit!"

With one word she put an end to the pursuit. She didn't turn back to see the dog demon plunge face first into the ground with a heavy thud and dig himself into a cozy nest of worms and other earthen creatures. As Inuyasha's face met the earth, his senses eluded him. Slowly he slipped out of consciousness and drifted happily away to la-la-land.

Kagome quickened her pace as she neared her destination. Her thoughts ran wild in her mind. _'How could he do this? What a jerk! He gets all angry when Kouga talks to me, then he's all over that-that cat demon! Now he's all over me!'_ She rolled her eyes, gripping the towel closer to her body.

Kagome safely arrived at Kaede's hut and self-consciously dressed herself. As she dried her hair with her towel her thoughts betrayed her again. '_I-Inuyasha just kissed me… not to mention he tried a few other Miroku-esque things. I mean, sure, I kind of let myself go there too, but shouldn't he have known better than to try something like that? And OH! He saw me NAKED!'_ She pulled her huge yellow bag toward her as if covering herself from invisible eyes. '_Oh no! Did he think I was too fat? Did he think I wasn't curvaceous enough? Did he…did he…what?'_ She kicked herself mentally for her straying thoughts. '_I should be thinking about WHAT made him behave so oddly and not whether he liked what he sa— oh Kami, there I go again…'_

Forcing herself to relax, she began to set out her sleeping bag to turn in for the night. Kagome was lost deep in her thoughts and didn't notice the elderly woman enter the tent. Kaede sat beside her and cleared her throat to attract Kagome's attention. Startled, Kagome dropped her pillow.

"Oh! Hello, Kaede. I didn't see you come in." Kagome smiled cheerfully, momentarily forgetting her troubles.

"Child…you seem puzzled. What troubles ye?" Kaede put a comforting hand on the younger girl's shoulder noticing the strain that she was so obviously trying to hide.

"Oh. It's nothing, really." Kagome laughed nervously, wondering whether she should tell the priestess of her unusual encounter with the half demon.

"I can clearly see it's not 'nothing'." Kaede soothed. "You can tell me, child, in full confidence, and rest assured, I shall try my best to aid ye."

Kagome gave in. She decided it would be best to discuss the matter with the wise woman; Kaede may know what's wrong with Inuyasha. Kagome was convinced something was wrong. She **knew** he wouldn't act in such a manner without good reason…

"Kagome…" The elder woman encouraged with a pat on her shoulder.

"It's…Inuyasha. He was acting a little peculiarly."

"Peculiarly you say?"

"Well…earlier Inuyasha was with a demon, I think-I think she was flirting with him, but before he finished her off, she said something. I don't know what she said, but Inuyasha seemed distracted after she said it." As if her hands on her lap were the most interesting things on the face of the planet, Kagome stared at them with an unwavering gaze. "Later, I went to the springs and Inuyasha came in after me. And then he…" She bit her lip and forced the words out of her mouth. "He kissed me. Inuyasha kissed me!"

"Good Heavens child, you're as red as Inuyasha's hakama."

"I am?" Kagome put her hands on her face.

"Are you sick?" Kaede asked in a concerned manner as she felt Kagome's head.

"No, I-I'm fine. It's just s-so surprising, that's all. I mean, I do like him but he-he went too far…" Kagome managed to choke out.

"A cat demon, you say?" The older woman seemed to be lost in her profound thoughts, all else nonexistent to her.

"Yeah, some sort of cat demon. I saw her whisper something in his air before vanishing into thin air." Kagome played with a rogue thread on her green seifuku. "After that Inuyasha seemed a little bewildered. I don't know what it was, but he… something was wrong with his neck, I think; he kept rubbing it furiously and muttering to himself."

"A cat demon? His neck?" The elderly priestess appeared as if she had traveled to hell and back. "Child, I do fear the worst."

"Why? What is it? Is Inuyasha going to be okay? Is he sick?" Kagome asked in a hurry, concerned for the dog demon.

"Something of that sort…" Kaede trailed off. "This may explain his odd behavior." She looked thoughtful before continuing. "Legend has it that every 50 years, the queen of all cat demons, Nekoi, rises from her semi-centennial slumber; for one day, and one day only she remains awake. For that one day she searches for a new prey to play with; she craves excitement. Once she tires of her plaything, she is rumored to bestow upon this being a sinister curse. Call it a parting gift, if you will." Kaede gazed directly into the eyes of her companion as she prepared to deliver the bad news. "If this is the cat demon you saw with Inuyasha, then his strange attitude can be a result of her curse. And before you ask, her curses are known to last for a fortnight but usually before that, the victim loses his mind…"

"Cat what! Curse who!" Kagome grappled with her elusive sensibility to understand what Kaede was going on about.

"A cat demon. The cat demon you saw with Inuyasha. She has put a curse on Inuyasha that is causing him to behave unnaturally." Kaede explained but only met with dazed eyes. _'Geez, Kikyo was never this slow, and this girl is supposed to be her reincarnation?' _Sighing,Kaede broke it down for her. "Cat. Curse. Inuyasha."

"Oh no, I had no idea. Poor Inuyasha!" Kagome gasped overcome with sympathy for the half demon as realization **finally** set in. '_And here I was blaming him for behaving so indecently when it wasn't his fault at all. Oh no! I 'sat' him too! Kami! I'm such an idiot. I knew I should have come to Kaede for advice when I first noticed his strange behavior… Then again… he did deserve it, curse or not, he did go too far, and besides before she cursed him he was flirting with her. Argh!'_

"Get some sleep, child." Patting the distressed girl on her shoulder Kaede rose from her seated position. "We will gather the others and discuss this matter further in the morning."

"…Okay." Kagome said, doubt lacing every letter of the word.

As Kaede took her leave, Kagome forbade her mind to think about Inuyasha and let sweet sleep claim her. She would deal with everything in the morning…

The sun was rising in the east and pale orange rays streamed in through a curtain of clouds to play with the verdant grass. Birds sang joyously at the advent of the bright morning as flowers let their fragrance diffuse with the gentle breeze.

His eyes fluttered open to reveal two sleepy pools of amber and as he took in his surroundings, he became more and more confused. "What the hell am I doing here?" Inuyasha demanded of no one in particular. His head was full of questions. _'Why the hell wm I covered in mud? The last thing I remember is that freaking cat bitch all over me…and then I was walking towards the hot springs and saw…Kagome…naked…'_ Instantaneously the blood crept to his face, turning his cheeks a lovely shade of scarlet. _'So what the hell happned after that and what am I doing here in a trench, dammit!'_

_Saturn's notes_: After all this time we've finally completed a chapter, so no more damning us to hell and all that crap. It's not our fault we've been occupied with stupid school.

_Rheyne says_: Well, see, this chapter is way longer than the previous two chapters combined. So you can consider this sort of an apology from us for taking so long.

Hope you've enjoyed and will stick around for more. Reviews of praise, criticism, death threats, all are welcome; just let us know what you think!

Thank you.


	4. Onwards! To the Northern Mountains!

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Inuyasha, nor do we own any piece of Sesshoumaru's hot body, as much as we'd like to though. We make no profits with our fangirly attempts at concocting stories and nor do we think you'd get any money out of us if you were to sue us. We were broke during the first three chapters, and we still are. Though someone has betrayed me and found herself a job. glares at Saturn

_Authors' notes:_ Italics are thoughts, just so you know. And there's very slight Kagome bashing. But it's all in good humor. We don't hate her or anything...well maybe one of us dislikes her...a little...Otherwise, enjoy! And thank you all for reviewing! Very much appreciated. By the way, the pairing for this chapter is Inuyasha x Ground…yes, in that order… for our puposes, let's just say the ground is shorter than our beloved doggy-demon and is the uke to Inuyasha's seme…yeah…enjoy…

**Chapter 4: Onwards, to the Northern Mountains! (Like, Oh my gah!)**

"So what you're saying is Inuyasha is cursed?" Miroku inquisitively raised his brows. He rubbed his eyes to chase away the last remnants of sleep that clung there relentlessly. The fresh morning breeze wafted in, bringing with it the golden sun to Kaede's hut where they all sat.

"Yes precisely." Kaede explained. "If Kagome's account is accurate, then Inuyasha was bitten by the demon, Nekoi. Nekoi is a cat demon, who awakens every fifty years to find a playmate. Whenever she tires of the said person, she places a curse on him, and as a result he loses his mind."

"Hmm…" Sango seemed to ponder something for a moment. "I've heard of this demon from father; I believe that there was a priestess in the Northern Mountains. According to my tribe the priestess encountered the demon, and came up with an antidote."

"Hold on a second, exactly what _is _the curse?" Miroku spoke up before Kagome could voice her thoughts.

"Well...you see…" The elderly priestess hesitated a moment before deciding it best for the dog-demon that she tell everyone. "This is the cat-demon's signature move. As Kagome said, Inuyasha was bitten…Nekoi's sharp fangs injected her venom into him during that encounter. This cat-demon's venom is known to have this effect on male demons…" Kaede trailed off.

"What effect?" Sango inquired.

"…The venom mixes with the victim's blood and makes him more susceptible to" Kaede drew in a sharp breath before continuing. "Pheromones of the opposite sex…"

Everyone stared at her as if she spoke in some foreign language with dazed looks on their faces.

"Basically, what I'm trying to say is that, every evening, as the sun begins to set in the horizon, the _carnal_ _urges_, if you will, within Inuyasha will intensify…until he has been _satisfied_ he will not rest." Kaede finished, releasing the breath she was holding unbeknownst to her. "And this will last for a fortnight."

"WHAT!" exclaimed everyone in unison.

"Oh…so that's why he tried to…" Kagome trailed off as a steady stream of blood crept to her cheeks. She noticed the demon slayer and the monk's suspicious gazes on her and quickly changed the subject. "What are we supposed to do about it then? We can't just let him run wildly…"

"For one thing, whatever happens to Inuyasha in the night, he will have no recollection of it in the morning." Kaede announced.

"Just because he will not remember, does not mean that he should not be held accountable for his actions. He can't just run around and ravage-"

"Why ladies, how can you blame poor, poor Inuyasha, it's not his fault. Besides he's been trapped to a tree for fifty years; I think it's about time that he got some action." Miroku cut Sango off in the middle of her sentence.

Kaede sensed the air in the humble hut thicken and quickly spoke to avoid any conflict. "There is that cure you spoke of, my child." The priestess looked at the slayer thoughtfully. "While I understand your concerns about a crazed lunatic running around unsupervised, I do believe it is time to focus more on the fact that if the remedy is not procured, then Inuyasha _will_ lose his mind."

Silence spread through out the room as everyone solemnly considered the consequences of the curse.

"The panacea from the northern mountains must be attained in order to salve the poor soul." Kaede spoke somberly.

"But how will we get Inuyasha to the Northern Mountains?" Sango voiced her concerns.

"Yeah, he won't travel that far unless he's getting something out of it" Miroku added attentively.

Sango suddenly thought of something. "Well, besides preserving his sanity, or what is left there of it, we can always say that there's a jewel shard."

"That's a great idea, Sango!" The monk rejoiced. "Now, for such a beautiful idea, why don't I reward you?" Miroku suggestively wiggled his eyebrows.

"Dream on, monk!"

"How sad, such a reward to be wasted." Miroku sighed, melodramatically. "It's quite pitiful that Inuyasha had to be cursed; I would have gladly sacrificed myself for him…" mourned Miroku.

"Sadly enough Miroku, she wouldn't have targeted you. Nekoi only goes after those who are a challenge to her and have demonic blood" mused Kaede.

"Que sera, sera" replied Miroku, apathetic.

"You moron! Is that all you think about?" Sango's irritation at the perverted monk was clear in her voice.

"No of course not, there's food, and Naraku."

"…" silence filled the room.

"Anyway, so should we tell Inuyasha about his little dilemma?" Sango spoke, concentrating on the subject at hand.

"No! There is no way we could tell him!" yelled Kagome after being ignored for so long. "Because then we would have to tell him about last night…" she murmured the last part.

"Something happened last night?" questioned Sango, interested.

"Umm… no, nothing happened." Kagome's eyes darted the room, settling on anything but her friends' eyes.

"I think she's lying" sang Miroku bemusedly.

"No I'm not!"

"Wait a minute! Kagome, how did you come to know of this curse?" Sango asked curiously.

Feeling trapped, Kagome looked for ways to stall. "Yes, that's a very good question, Sango…umm…"

As if he were her guardian angel, arriving to protect her from danger at the nick of time, Inuyasha came into the hut just then, muttering a string of incoherent curses; the only words that the jewel shard group could make out were 'cold,' 'trench,' 'wet,' and 'dream.'

"What are you all looking at?" The half demon narrowed his eyebrows at his companions, his tone drenched with ire.

"N-Nothing!" they all stuttered at once.

"Feh, it better be nothing. I'm already in a bad mood."

"Inuyasha, where have ye been?" The priestess asked the question that haunted everyone's minds.

"Lying in a damn ditch, that's where!" The dog demon humph-ed. "Why didn't you send someone to look for me, you old hag!"

"Would ye have asked, I would have sent."

"If I were in a ditch, how could have I asked you? If I could have, I would have no need of you." Inuyasha bared his fangs at the old priestess in a hiss.

Sensing the tension in the air, Kagome stepped in to mediate; for once she did something useful and was not just there to fill the role of the clichéd damsel in distress.

"SIT BOY!" and with yet another heavy thud, Inuyasha found himself in a very familiar trough. '_Why do I get the feeling that the trench from the morning is no different—' _

"Well, anyway, we should get started on our journey to the Northern Mountains!" Kagome announced, before any more drama could crawl its way into the room.

"What! Why are we going there?" Inuyasha cried from his position on the ground.

"Because I said so!" Kagome was getting frustrated with the turn of events. She hadn't even had her morning bath yet! And she still needed to fix her hair! Oh. My. Kami.

"Oh! I know why you want to go, it's because that damned wolf is in the North!" The dog demon spat.

"What are you blabbering about?" Kagome didn't have time to put up with this. She needed to get to the hot springs quickly before they set out on their journey. Who knows how many days she might have to go without a shower!

"That's why you want to go! I knew it! We're not going!" Inuyasha planted himself on the floor stubbornly.

"Come on Inuyasha, we have to go to the Northern Mountains!11one!1" Kagome's patience was running thin.

"No, we don't. I'd say you four have a hidden agenda."

"No, we don't, there's a jewel shard there."

"Well, why didn't you say so? Let's go!" Inuyasha grabbed Kagome's humongous, yellow, backpack and stormed out of the hut, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake.

The gang followed him out of the hut, glad that the childish banter was finally over.

"Hey guys, where are you going?" the annoyingly hyper voice of a certain kitsune stopped the dog-demon in his tracks.

"Shut up, runt!" Inuyasha proceeded to execute a flurry of assaults on Shippo. '_Die Shippo die!' _

"Inuyasha stop it or I'll 'sit' you!" Kagome threatened, frankly, annoyed because she didn't get to take her beauty bath.

And for the third time that morning, Inuyasha found himself kissing the ground.

(Old wise man's voice from the distance) And thus our heroes embarked on a journey into the distant horizon to secure the 'jewel shard' at the Northern Mountains, not knowing what dangers lay ahead.

_Saturn's notes: _Ok, so here's our update because I coerced Rheyne into writing this before she decided to delay it six more months. So yeah, bow down. Otherwise, hope you've enjoyed and will come back for the new exciting chapter of (in booming announcer voice) **"Kiss Me, I'm Horny!' **_All cynical/ sado-masochistic remarks along with Kagome bashing brought to you by Rheyne._

_Rheyne says:_ This chapter was just a whole lot of crap. Next chapter, I promise there will be some _real_ action; not any of this Inuyasha x Ground stuff. So stick around. The 'Die, Shippo, die!' Moment is dedicated to our wonderful reviewer...well...**Die **(underscore)** Shippo **(underscore)** Die. **And please review; feed back of any kind—praise, criticism, death threats—all are welcome; just let us know what you think!

Thank you. Stuffed, fluffySesshoumarus for everyone!


	5. Can't Get No Satisfaction

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Inuyasha, nor do we own any piece of Sesshoumaru's hot body, as much as we'd like to though. We make no profits with our fangirly attempts at concocting stories and nor do we think you'd get any money out of us if you were to sue us. We were broke during the first four chapters, and we still are. Though someone has betrayed me and found herself a job. -glares at Saturn-

_Authors' notes:_ Italics are thoughts, just so you know. Umm, I think the Inuyasha x Ground pairing will remain in every chapter, hereafter, unless no one likes it…

**Chapter 5: Can't Get No Satisfaction.**

Orange rays of sun painted the darkening canvas of purple hues up above and the verdant blades of grass swung sporadically in the gentle evening breeze. The Shikon shard group trudged relentlessly on the path to their destination: the Northern Mountains.

"Inuyasha! Let's stop here and rest for tonight." Kagome's tired feet came to a halt as she unceremoniously dropped her gigantamongous yellow backpack on the ground.

"What for!" The silver haired half demon stopped his trek and looked at his companion incredulously. "I'm not weak like you stupid humans! Let's continue. The nearest village isn't that far; it's only four miles." He finished smugly.

"Four miles? Are you out of your mind?" Kagome was already seated comfortably against the roots of a large tree and was preparing to take out some supplies for the night from her bag.

"No! No one else is tired, right?" Inuyasha looked around at the rest of his friends for confirmation.

"…" Utter silence and disbelieving eyes were their response.

"Inuyasha, even Kirara and Shippo are tired and—in response to your pathetic 'humans are weak' argument--they're **full** demons." Kagome spat at the obstinate dog demon, wanting only to soak her tired, aching feet in a nice hot spring at the moment.

"Yeah well Shippo is a runt and Kirara is a freaking cat. You can't expect to have a strong cat; everyone knows that they're the weakest demons." Inuyasha finished lamely, knowing full well that it was the 'dog' (coughbitchcough) inside him who was speaking.

"Hey! Kirara has saved your ass several times! So don't call her weak." Sango broke her silence in defense of her kitty-cat as she scratched it behind its ears. Kirara purred.

"My lovely Sango tells the truth" said Miroku as he inched himself closer to Sango—a little too close…

"Feh, fine, just don't come running to me when you find a bug or something!" The half demon gave in realizing the score was five to one.

"Hey it wasn't a bug!" Kagome jumped to the defensive. "It was Shippo's tail!"

"Yeah but you were screaming 'kill it kill it it's a bug!" Inuyasha flailed his arms and hopped around on tip toes imitating Kagome when she had freaked out earlier that day.

"That is true Kagome-chan." Miroku chortled and Sango struggled to hold hers back.

"Fine!" Kagome gave up. "You win but we are sleeping here tonight and that's that." She finalized, pulling out supplies from her bag.

"Yeah, yeah… I heard you, just make me some ramen."

"Well, Inuyasha, like you stated so eloquently before: I'm not a demon, and therefore I can't start a fire without some wood."

"Fine I'll get your damn wood."

"Finally! Some peace of mind at last" sighed Kagome as Inuyasha sped off in the darkening woods.

"Indeed, I thought that he would never give up" Miroku stated in a matter of fact tone.

"At least we don't have to worry about him attacking any girls from the village" Kagome sighed in relief.

"Yeah only demons live around these parts" seating herself next to Kagome, Sango proceeded to help the other girl with her ministrations.

"I feel sorry for any demon that has to deal with Inuyasha's grubby paws" Piped Shippo from next to the now seated Miroku.

"Oh well, too bad for them." Miroku dismissed the topic and started another. "So ladies, what shall we do in Inuyasha's absence?" he asked suggestively.

"Why don't we take a bath?" Sango suggested to the other girl.

"A bath! Why, my dear Sango-chan, I do believe you're starting to see things my way."

"Not you, you stupid pervert!" the slayer slapped him over the head, causing the 'poor' monk to sink into the deep depths of unconsciousness.

"Okay, Shippo you look after the camp and Miroku okay?" Kagome told him, indifferent to the fact that a normal slap shouldn't have sent Miroku to Lala-land.

"You can count on me!" the little runt puffed his chest out as his eyes shone.

The two girls proceeded to go to the stream that they had spotted on their way in the woods. They trekked their way in through tall trees and finally arrived at the clear water stream.

"Darn, I left my bath supplies at camp!" Kagome bit her lower lip, a bit frustrated. "I'll go get them. Be right back, Sango."

"Okay, be careful." Sango advised as she set her supplies down and dipped one foot in the water to check the temperature.

"I will." Came the faint reply…

The sun descended in the horizon leaving an empty clear canvas of a velvet sky. Disrobing, Sango stepped into the stream and to her enjoyment; she found it just the right temperature, and deep enough to come up to her waist.

"Ahh, finally a bath!" Sango relaxed against a rock as she allowed her fatigued feet to rest.

Unbeknownst to her, orbs of cerise drank in every aspect of her frame as if they were thirsty for eons. She heard a rustle in the bush, thinking it was Kagome she paid it no mind. The predator closed in on its prey. Turning around, Sango met the face of none other than…

"Hello, Sango." Inuyasha's blood red eyes met her soft brown ones.

"Umm…hi Inuyasha." Sango stuttered, unsure of what to say at such a situation. "H-how are you today?" Her mouth automatically asked.

"Fine. Just fine. But can you do me a favor?" The deranged demon stepped into the water and stood dangerously close to the slayer.

"Umm…what is it?" Her hands held her towel in front of her protectively as her mind blanked. She had never been in this kind of situation before. Not even with that perverted monk. She stiffened.

"Kiss me, I'm horny."

Realization of **exactly _what_ **was happening dawned on the astonished girl and she did the only thing she could possibly do to get her out of this scenario. Hiraikotsu met Inuyasha's head in a heartbeat. And Inuyasha met the ground.

"Well hello there ground-chan, we're awful close these days, aren't we?" before the great black abyss of unconsciousness swallowed him, Inuyasha reacquainted himself with his one true lover—the ground—which has never ever left him.

"Why that no good—I should kill him; he's lucky he's under that curse." She mumbled as she left the unconscious dog demon at the stream.

On her way back, she bumped into Kagome, who was hurrying towards the spring with her bath supplies. She grabbed the younger girl and dragged her back towards the camp. "Come on Kagome."

"B-but I've got to go take a bath!"

"The stream is cold and we can't get sick now can we?" Sango settled on a logical response, leaving out the tiny detail about the Inuyasha incident.

"You're right, let's go." Kagome chirped and walked along side her friend to their new destination,

The crystalline water in the meandering stream glistened in the moonlit night. Inuyasha awoke with a start from his slumber as sounds of crickets chirping permeated his consciousness—his libido still in check.

"Dammit I need some- some- something!" The half demon cursed as the insatiable urge within him raged relentlessly. He ran at an inhuman speed towards the clearing, away from the forest…where he could smell someone…someone whose thoughts were similar to his…someone who was also looking for the same 'something' that he needed…maybe they could give each other this 'something' they were both searching for…

Inuyasha's keen sense of smell led him back to the camp he and his friends had set up before he ventured out to look for firewood—his task now long forgotten. Blood red eyes searched the premises for someone—anyone to satisfy his yearning…

His search came to a halt as his eyes landed on a figure lying on the ground—its face invisible due to the lack of light near the underbrush. Soft moans filled the half demon's ears as he approached the figure on the ground. His senses told him that this was the one of whom he had been thinking when he 'smelled' someone nearby with 'urges' similar to his. Deciding that the person lying before him would be the one to quench his ever growing thirst, Inuyasha closed in on his next 'victim.'

"Mmm… Sango… your hair's so soft."

Inuyasha flipped his prey over gently only to discover the face of the perverted monk. His eyes were closed and he wore an expression of mild amusement as his fingers ran through silver locks of the half demon's hair.

_I should've known it was the horny monk… Only he would dream about Sango that way. Damn I need something, anything will do, right now._ Inuyasha's brows furrowed in disappointment and something akin to worry.

_I suppose you'll have to do monk; a hole's a hole._

"Ohhh! So you want to play it that way Sango? No problem with me!" Miroku purred in his sleep as he felt the body weight of his companion settle near his abdomen.

Inuyasha proceeded to undo the monk's robes

"Sango you're so kinky…"

"That's right monk, pretend I'm Sango and you can be my main squeeze."

"Hmmm…You're so good to me, Sango."

"I know I am, in fact, I'm great as you'll soon see."

Inuyasha positioned the sleeping monk properly between his legs.

"Hmmm… don't you know that you're supposed to be bottoming to me?" Still deep in his stupor Miroku managed between hot breaths.

"Not today!" After pondering a moment, the dog demon in a trance added, "Hmm…maybe if you kiss me; I'm horny."

"INUYASHA! SIT!" A deafening roar of Kagome's voice filled the atmosphere and birds fled there nests temporarily, as Miroku woke in a fright, not realizing his extremely loose obi and the inu on top of him.

"W-what happened?" He stuttered hastily.

"You were almost Inuyasha's uke!" yelled Sango, her face all the different shades of red simultaneously.

"W-hat?" he saw the half demon on top of him, treading on the thin line of the conscious and not so conscious.

"Didn't know you were **that **desperate!" The monk looked at his friend of long time with a mixture of bemused laughter and pity in his eyes, no sign of malice present.

"A hole's a hole, after all," shrugged the dazed demon.

"Would you get off of him!" exclaimed Sango, seemingly have grasped some notion of composure again, as she pulled the horny dog off of the monk. "Stupid monk, didn't you sense him?" Sango muttered, blood rushing to her head once again, "and fix your clothes, you perv!" She finished, glaring at her Houshi-sama.

"No, of course not!" Miroku seemed not to be fazed by any of this, much to the girls' astonishment. "And Sango, what's the point of putting my clothes back on when you're just going to take it off?" She was gaping and so he finished suggestively as he brushed off dust from his clothes, "I don't want you to expend any unnecessary amounts of energy on such trivial things when obviously we can make much better use of that!"

"…"

And Inuyasha slipped silently into the depths of unconsciousness yet again…something he had been doing quite a lot recently.

"Hey what's going on?" Shippo, who was absent from the scene, piped up as he approached the group.

"Miroku got attacked by Inuyasha!" stated Kagome, "and by the way where were you? I thought I told you to look after the camp and Miroku."

"Sorry Kagome but I saw these really interesting leaves and I thought that you and Sango would like them! They smell really really good when you burn them! Poppa used to burn them in the house all the time!" He looked nostalgic as he handed Kagome the leaves.

Unbeknownst to Kagome, she held a handful of leaves worth at least two hundred dollars in her time (daily use of this drug may cause poisoning).

"Umm… thanks Shippo, but that doesn't change the fact that you wandered away from camp and disobeyed us."

"I'm sorry Kagome…"

"It's alright…I guess since no one was hurt…" she excused him as she patted his adorable little head.

Inuyasha now getting up from his beautiful, sexy friend on the ground looked around at his surroundings; quickly he realized the amount of potential partners he had, silently counting them to himself.

_Mmm… four of them; the wonders one can do with four partners and a cat._

The horny inu proceeded to pounce on his original prey Kagome only to be stopped by his other good friends Hiraikotsu and the sacred staff. In an instant he met his lifelong partner, the ground, in his favorite place—La La land.

_Saturn's notes: Another well written beautiful chapter done by my partner Roentgen or Rheyne-- I forgot she keeps changing it—and myself (dash, underscore, dash). Once again I had to push her to do something but it's all good! By the way don't you all just LOVE Shippo._

_Rheyne syas: Umm…I dunno…next update is a long way unless we get a sudden surge of reviews and are coerced into writing more crap…the mild shounen-ai hints weren't that badly taken I hope…and please review; feed back of any kind—praise, criticism, death threats—all are welcome; just let us know what you think! _


End file.
